We all have that one person that we care about so much we would rather hurt ourselves in order to keep them. Rather it be Mom, Dad, a friend or relationship; we all at least know someone who just isn’t willing to set those boundaries. Well, at least most of us. 85% of women and 75% of men experience toxicity in their life. That’s quite a bit. Here’s some tips to set boundaries and work on those issues upfront.
Define what you need. It’s important to start with you. Think about what makes you feel secure and what upsets you. Think about what triggers your emotions. The more you identify what you do not like the closer you are to setting those healthy boundaries.
Put Yourself first for Once. It doesn’t mean you have to ignore the needs of others, it simply means to think about how something makes you feel and if it makes you uncomfortable do something that does make you comfortable. Respect yourself and your own needs.
Say No. You don’t have to say yes in order to keep other people happy. Here’s a thought, how many times have you been told no? Exactly. It’s your turn to start saying no back. They’ll get over it and if they don’t then they’re wrong for you anyway.
Communicate your feelings. You don’t have to be ashamed to let them know how you feel. Tell them that you feel disrespected and that you are no longer going to accept being talked to in a way that doesn’t suit your preference. It’s okay to be straight forward. How else will anyone ever know how you feel about something?
Learn to Love at a distance. I know it seems harder than it sounds, but you can start small. For example, say you’re busy and this person calls you. You usually pick up right away or immediately call them back and apologize. This time, breathe and let it ring. I know it can be hard listening to their complaining or guilt trips to manipulate you into thinking you're the bad guy, but it’s a small step to taking care of you.
You deserve a life full of serenity and starting with setting healthy boundaries can promote stress reduction which can lead to a healthier mind, a healthier body, well rested nights and positive thinking and overall a life of freedom. You deserve that. I know setting boundaries can be hard, but you are worth more than always feeling like you “have to” put up with someone. You don't have to do anything that you aren’t comfortable with. Not even family is allowed to dull your shine.
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