Dear Dad,
I’m writing to you because it has been quite some time since we actually had a one on one conversation. Actually, now that I think about it I don’t think we ever did. I know when we talked I told you that I had begun to see a counselor, but I did not explain why. Lately I had been experiencing some demons in my life. I felt something inside me that felt so immortal, I began to scare myself and the ones around me. My wife shouldn’t have to come home from getting talked down to at work, to dealing with me and my adverse attitude and anger. When that anger would strike, neither one of us knew where it came from and it began to become very powerful. I was unable to control myself. I could hear my thoughts of not wanting to do it, but this evil in me took over. A lot of things have changed since that one little visit from my counselor. My eyes are open wider than they have ever been and I will no longer be that vulnerable little girl that everyone has portrayed me to be. I’m aware you’ve been calling me, in fact I blocked your number because you just can’t seem to get the hint. At first, I still answered to protect you from the pain I knew this would cause, but I shouldn’t be causing myself more pain by doing so. You see, you are the reason I am the way I am. You are one of the people who turned me against myself. Now that I have opened up to someone and told my story, our story, I can remember every little detail that I should not have memories of! You hurt me, and yes it was a long time ago. Yes, I forgave you and I still do. This has nothing to do with me holding anger towards you. This is about letting go to protect myself from being angry at me. For years, I shut all memories off. Everything that had been wrong to me I let go as soon as it happened and I now know why. It’s not because I was a doormat, it’s because I was so use to taking the blame for everything that I immediately thought I was in the wrong. I now know the truth. I know the truth about me. I know the truth about you and what you did. I physically remember the feeling of your hands and the way you touched me. I mentally remember me screaming, begging, kicking, and being scared. All the times I left to sleep over at friends, all the times I went to church 3 days a week. I used to hate when it was the last hour of school, because I knew that I would be coming home to you! A kid should not have to experience that. Did you think I’d forget? Because I remember after every single night you’d apologize. I remember every single morning you’d ask me what I was dreaming because I was screaming. For years, I thought that I could put the blame on the drugs you were addicted to. For years, I was gullible enough to believe you and all your lies! For years, I lied to myself. For someone to belittle a human being the way you did by portraying that I had been dreaming every single night that my own father would hurt me, he is not decent. For someone to walk up to their victim and ask if they told the judge that it was all just a dream, he is not father material nor should he be able to see or talk to her. I am stronger than I have ever been and it is because of you so I will say thanks, but for now on, I no longer have anything to say. I thank God for finally opening my eyes, and I can just pray my brother opens his as well. You are not worthy of being called a great father, because you aren’t. You may have changed your ways from what is seen and said, but you will never change the man you are deep down inside. I forgive you, I do, but I no longer wish to have you in my life. I am too kind of a person to be toyed with. Thank you for helping me find myself and giving me the ability to finally be true to me. May God bless you and give you a new way of life.
Sincerely, Amy
His reply "I think you're facing some demons right now."
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