There is strength in being Vulnerable

“How are you doing? How’s life?” somehow always ends up in an overspill of overwhelming thoughts or the simple words “I’m fine”. I’m fine, meaning I’m not but I pushed those feelings down enough to feel okay because I’m masking and don’t even realize the damage it’s doing to my mental health by pretending I’m fine. The thing is, it’s okay to be vulnerable. It’s okay to open up. But we put on a show for too long and we tend to forget the reality of our own emotions, causing trauma to ourselves which can be then past on for centuries.

Our faith in humanity all balls down to vulnerability. Be vulnerable with yourself. Be vulnerable with others. Love comes when we are most vulnerable. Healing comes when we are open about what's bothering us and it’s what the world needs to spill out. One person, YOU can make a huge impact by letting it out.

I started opening up at the age of 23. Was it the easiest thing to do? No. I struggled to even realize what demons I was facing because I had shoved them so far down, I had forgotten they even existed. What were my problems? What was I facing? What was troubling me? Nothing. Well, at least I thought so.

My emotional state hardly even existed. I couldn't tell whether I were mad, sad, happy or possessed. Was it the fact that I was sad and the pain turned to anger as a coping mechanism, but I no longer wanted to be mad so I leaned on being happy and ended up feeling like there was another entity entering my body and taking over? That was a literal question I asked myself every time I had what you would call "an episode".

I had no flipping clue as to what was going on when I had an episode. The thought of something else controlling me had me spiraling. I didn't even know what I was going through was normal. I really had thought I was going to be on the next exorcism movie. A biography all for myself.

Well, in the sense of exorcism, I was wrong. Something else controlling me? Yeah, I was right. Trauma has this funny way of handling situations in every scenario of our life. It can make us feel (well like I mentioned) crazy. We can also feel like we are the root of the problem. After all it may seem that way, but the root is the trauma that causes us to have the problem. Trauma in the sense of us doing it to ourselves by shoving those emotions down.

So here I am, starting this blog to help you become more vulnerable. So we can save ourselves from self sabotage and actually have a healthy relationship with our mental state. As said before, it's not going to be easy and if it is at first, it may not be easy all the time. Just keep in mind it's okay to fail but with work put in and being open to feeling your emotions, you'll get to healing in no time. No need to rush though, we have our whole lives to heal. Trauma wasn't built in one week.